The Brew Vol. 4: The Sweet Life

Sugar ain't always sweet, I thought as I poured water over my patio, flushing out the ants. A week prior I had set out a sweet drink for a deity. The ants found it, as they always will. Based off the size of the swarm, they'd probably been there for at least a day. I figured that was enough time for the deity to have gotten her fill, so I flushed the ants away, thanking them for their service and wishing them a better incarnation next time. 

And why? she, the deity, asked me. Why would you say sugar isn't always sweet?

"Look what just happened. They chased sugar, and died for it."

That's what you see. I see many little lives lived in their purpose, and ended for their purpose. The purpose is in the experience itself. Not in how the experience ends. Because regardless of the details of the journey, it will always end.

"You're a deity of death. Of course you'd say that."

Precisely, which makes me the expert on this matter. 

(Internal eye roll, then an embarrassed look as I realized she had seen that) "Okay, so you're saying that regardless of what I do, it's all okay because it'll all come to an end anyway?"

Yes.

"So I could be a prostitute, and that would be okay?"

You're practically one anyway. She joked...but wait, was she joking?? That's what you think, isn't it? That the work you do on OF is basically prostitution, and that makes you less than as a human? 

"That's not what I think."

Isn't it? she asked in that way that always made me second guess myself. There's nothing wrong with pursuing the sweet life. If what you are chasing is coming from an honest place, and it sets your soul on fire, and it makes you better, and it makes you feel ALIVE, and you're not sure of the path because this one has never been carved, or lived, or rehearsed...if you feel like you are genuinely living and expressing your uniqueness, then what's the issue? You are here to chase, explore and enjoy the experience, not simply try to survive it 'til the end. It's great to have both of course, a long life and a great experience, but very often people end up trading one for more of the other one. 

"And you think that's what I'm doing?"

Why do I need to *think* when I know. And, funny enough, you do too. Think about every time you played by the rules, every time you did what you were supposed to. 

How did the rewards feel? Did they make your heart skip a beat, make you weep with joy, did you feel like you were floating? Did it all feel worth it? Or did it fall flat? Did it feel like you earned it, did it feel like it wasn't enough because of all the effort you put in, or did it feel like a true miracle, a true gift? None of that is wrong or bad necessarily, but for what you are (enter your name here if you wish) it can be a sign, an indicator of where you should put your energy. 

Again, think about every time you played by the rules, every time you did what you were supposed to. Did those situations still come to an end or no? You know just as well as I do that playing it safe hasn't panned out. Play a little game of risk and allow yourself to be surprised, bit by bit. 

Don't avoid sweetness just because it'll all end one day anyway. You are allowed to want more. It is safe to want more. 

"..."

...yes?

"I was just trying to get rid of ants."

Remember how, in a previous newsletter I said I'd be getting rid of the channeled media options and adding back more traditional readings? Well, now I offer all of it. I'm building this plane while I'm in it, to be honest, but I thank you, Reader, for being a part of it 🙏🏾

Hesitation. A lot of hesitation. And baby steps in what I can only hope is the right direction.

History isn't on my side in this narrative. But that's just it. This doesn't feel guaranteed, preconceived, or like a lesser version of me.

Until I start to think of them, the watchers and judgers and critics. Then I feel myself try to shrink.

But I don't think the wrap is going to work this time,

I think a higher self has warped this time,

I think I want to keep my word this time,

To honor me

Relentlessly

Regardless I'mma drop this rhyme #BARS

I just don't want to be reckless. But it's kind of hard to judge what the standard of recklessness is when no one is really watching right now. You know? Right now is easy. Right now is the easiest it will ever be, in a sense. There aren't all these voices and judgements coming down on me yet.

And when I really go from a hundred to ten thousand followers,

or when I go from thousands to hundreds of thousands of dollars,

Will I be able to stand by the risks I'm taking? Will I be able to speak my truth?

Anyway, I know it's been a while, so I'll at least post a pic or something 😉