Ridding Ourselves in Order to Make Space for the New

There’s a lot to get rid of before you can make space for more. Keeping everything makes you a hoarder, and this doesn’t just have to be on a physical, 3D level. Everything is energy, or etheric, or spirit (whatever word you want to use) before it’s tangible. Are you a spiritual hoarder, holding on to baggage or ideas or words that need to be spoken? 

This is your call to get rid of it. I can’t tell you how; the methods to ridding yourself of something are as numerous and varied as the people on this planet. Write it, speak it, burn it, repurpose it. Pick the way that works for you, and keep in mind that your releases may not always look the same. Sometimes you may speak to someone about it, and other times you may dance it out. It’s okay. It doesn’t really matter, as long as it’s coming out. 

Hence, this newsletter. I used to keep a diary as a preteen, but I haven’t actively kept up with one in over a decade. This is the closest I’ve gotten to a diary page in forever, and oddly enough, I’m being asked to share ALL of it. If you’ve been following me anywhere, you are probably well aware that my inner child has been in control of this wheel for at least a couple months now. This is just another one of her antics, and I love it. I need it. 

These days it just feels like I really couldn’t keep quiet, even if I wanted to. I have a sense that the same goes for you (#BARS).

Some people can lead just with their words, driving people to become better with the cadence of their speech, the passion in their voice…I’m not one of those people. I keep being shown and told how my leadership works best when it happens by chance, by people becoming inspired from my experiences and the example I set. 

Keeping that in mind, instead of just telling you to rid yourself of things, I’ll tell you how I’ve been ridding, or repurposing rather, things this week. I chose to focus on two things overwhelming my 3D experience: trash bags and makeup. 

It is a shining beacon of Black culture to keep grocery bags under the kitchen sink, with plans to use them as trash bags at a future time. We should take a moment to honor this great example of reduce, reuse, recycle, something that Black people inherently knew to do before we were ever told about the benefits of this practice to the environment. This Black history month, I believe it’s important to remember the contributions of not just history’s biggest leaders, but the influence of Black culture as a whole. 

That being said, too much of a good thing can become toxic, if the lack of space under my kitchen sink was any indication. At the same time that I had this realization and was preparing to take the bags to HEB for recycling, I also realized that I needed a massive tarp for the painting I was about to start. I already had tape, so I just taped the bags together and built out the tarp that I needed. Reduce, reuse, recycle, and repurpose: it could save you some coins and solve some life problems relatively quickly. 

Now the makeup, that is another story entirely.

I worked as a makeup artist for around three years, plus had a beauty YouTube channel. Do the math really quickly: makeup artist + YouTube makeup junkie + the ability to write some of this off for tax purposes equals what? 

A raging makeup monster. While the search for ways to repurpose my makeup is ongoing, I did find a new purpose for my eyeshadow and blushes specifically: hair dye. It’s pigmented, easy to apply, and I’m guessing really easy to wash out, although I haven’t actually tried it yet. My hair is really sensitive to chemicals so hopefully this way helps my hair retain its health while also allowing me to switch up my look when I want. 

I also tried adding this eyeshadow to coconut oil for a body oil, and to my spray bottle for easier application onto my hair. The spray bottle mix was a waste of time; I added a significant amount of the shadow into the water, and you still can’t see it when it’s sprayed onto my hair. The coconut oil mix is okay, not bad at all actually but not as sparkly or glittery as I had hoped. I’ll try it with a more glittery eyeshadow next time. 

On a more spiritual level, I’ve been ridding myself of fear, anxiety, and the impulse to play small. Some of you know that I celebrated my 30th birthday by being brave and doing a comedy show. If you didn’t see it, I’ll link it here, because I was actually super proud of myself: https://yt.openinapp.co/xi6b1

However, that was just one battle that I won against anxiety. Fighting my fears is an ongoing process. Every day, I’m fighting against the desire to people please and show up as I’m expected to. There’s nothing inherently wrong with making people happy, but when you’re compromising yourself to do it, you’re venturing into unhealthy territory. For me, I’ve come to understand that this desire to mold myself into whatever I feel will make others happy is based in fear, fear that if I don’t mold myself to fit their standards, no one will like me. I won’t go into how I came to those conclusions, mainly because this newsletter will be way too long if I do. The important thing is that because I’m pushing myself to just be me, regardless of how others may feel about it, I’m seeing how wrong I have been. Granted, there are some who would probably benefit from me continuing to play small and move out of a fear based place, but I’m finding that there are also people who appreciate me as I truly am. Because I’m being honest with self first and foremost, it’s now far more clear who my real tribe is. 

Fear caused me to play small, and no matter how much I have folded and shrunk myself, I have not been able to fit into any small box…so fuck it. 

My 30s will be about living fearlessly, honestly, and fully. Doing this means looking fear in the face, and going through it anyway. I recently purchased a large 48”x60” canvas, the largest I have ever attempted to paint, the largest that Michaels sells. I have plenty of reasons to let anxiety win me over here: I haven’t fully fleshed out my concept, I have no clue how it will turn out, and I don’t want to waste such a large canvas. But then I remember three things: first, that this canvas was only $30 (shoutout to Michaels for the sale), second, I can always fix any perceived errors I make, and third (and most importantly), my art moves a lot like my life. As long as I know where I’m starting and have even the slightest idea of where I’m going, life’s art will unfold perfectly, its broad brush strokes creating realms of possibility while the details become more clear as I go. 

Whatever your age, here’s to being fearless. Life’s too short already, and allowing fear to have a death grip on it is a disservice to not only you, but everyone who could benefit from knowing the real, authentic you. So my only question for you, Soul Searcher, is this: what fear are you ridding yourself of today, and how will you do it? 

 

Sincerely,